The Investment

The Investment

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When I made my first investment, I threw down a sum of $500. It was a fair amount, certainly nothing to scoff at, but it wasn't exactly going to break my bank account. I invested my money because it wasn't doing anything and I figured it'd be better off swimming somewhere on Wall Street in hopes of some form of future betterment that can be paid with money. That was the hope and nothing else. Of course I wanted to see green numbers flying across the board everyday but I knew it'd be red most of the time.  And red were the numbers for the next two months. When I finally  started to regret my decision, my original investment dwindled down to a fifth of its value. There wasn't much I could do at this point. I guess I could've kept going at it but I didn't want to lose the rest of my dignity. For me, sticking it out in hopes of green and being able to say "I told you so" wasn't my motto. That isn't to say I'm a pessimist because people seem to think I am. I've always believed in crazy miracles and impossible situations working out to defy the universe. I was almost ready to leave the $100 of what was left of my investment until I found out, just two days later, that it was now only worth $30. I decided to treat myself out to a steak dinner instead.

It's crazy, isn't it? You'd think I'd learn from my first investment but I wasn't ready to give in just yet. This time, I knew the in and outs of the market. I had done my research and came with a swagger palpable by everyone else around me. This wasn't going to be a little fish; it was going to be Moby Dick. Sure I scuttled around my house, worried about all the money I was about to put down, but I also knew great reward took even greater risk. There was so much I could buy with the money I had saved up. It just wasn't enough to buy what I truly wanted.

A few weeks after I drained my bank account to fund my new venture, I came home gleefully to a letter awaiting me. In it was a piece of paper entitled "Congratulations" and a small blurb explaining what this letter meant. Apparently my investment was doing extremely well and hitting record numbers. The CEO of the company wanted to thank me himself for believing in his vision! He invited me out for a dinner and I happily accepted. Unable to contain my excitement, I began planning a party to celebrate my success.

I don't think there was a thing in the world that could've stopped my happiness, save for a family death or something extreme. I swam on cloud nine and lived in evanescent euphoria. In my eyes, this was going to be the time I could finally say "I told you so" without having the risk of losing my dignity. All I had experienced, learned, and loss have come up to blend into the perfect exuberance of prosperity. Looking back now, this wasn't much different from my first investment, except I won before finally losing.

The dinner with the CEO was fantastic. There were lobster tails, lamb chops, and all types of overpriced seafood you would expect to find in a restaurant like this. A few years ago, I would've felt guilty spending all this money on extravagant things. I just wanted to let loose for once. By the time dessert was served, we started talking about a few other things: what we thought about the future and how we wanted to continue this relationship. It was something I wanted to talk about anyways I felt myself ready to take this partnership to the next level.

Everything seemed to be clicking with me and I grew more excited with every passing moment. Just as I thought the meeting was near over, he motioned over to me with an "oh by the way" and went on to mumble something about diluting my investment by accepting another person's commitment of a price ten folds what I currently had. I sat dumbfounded, unsure what to make of the situation. I just had the best few weeks of my life and a great meeting with the CEO himself, yet I felt like this was more of a breakup dinner.

As far as I was concerned, I wasn't part of the relationship anymore. I felt unappreciated, unloved, and humiliated. There was something about me that wasn't exactly attractive, despite the fact that I chose this exact investment because I believed in it. The CEO was saying all the right PR things, like how courageous I must had been, willing to sacrifice my entire life savings into something so unstable. He complimented my generosity and went on to garnish me with words that made me feel wanted. Except I wasn't.

I think the rash choice would've been to take my money and jet. I didn't really want to give my money to such a crook anyways. The other option was to keep my eggs in the basket in hopes of a better future, that maybe he didn't really mean to come off as a douche trying to lead me on. I blanked out for a few moments after he told me about the other person and thought about all my choices. I wanted to jolt out the door and rescind my investment but it was extremely difficult. The easiest and most passive thing to do was to give the usual deferments of "no problem" and "thanks" but I wanted to be an asshole for once. What other option did I really have?

What should I do?

Melancholic Hope

Melancholic Hope

Why can't you be my first girlfriend?

Why can't you be my first girlfriend?